The question that I ask myself though is "What kind of friend am I if I don't maintain a regular contact." I don't think that true friendship does require regular contact. The man that was my Best Man I saw for the first time in five years last July on his 50th birthday - I always knew he was older than me but it took 25 years to find that out for certain! We chatted as normal, admired each other's paunches and greying hair, and were, well, friends. I am concerned that the lady ex-friend now I suppose, thought that she needed almost daily contact to maintain the friendship. I suspect that her life has been a catalogue of disappointments in her relationships with other people and that she will move on to another and then another e mail correspondent. None of whom will ever satisfy her need for companionship.
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
What Kind of Friend am I?
Some time ago there was a woman on myLot who though not a native English speaker did her best to keep up with the discussions. She asked to join my friends list and I was pleased to have her. Over the following weeks she managed to upset a fair few people and repeatedly changed her avatar. When this occurred she always told me her new name and rejoined the List. I also gave her my private e mail address which she regularly used to contact me off myLot. We corresponded every couple of days this way. She has now decided that I don't E Mail her sufficiently often to be regarded as worth continuing to correspond with. That's a shame but I shall not be popping in to the library to look up the section entitled "101 ways to kill yourself".
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6 comments:
I have to agree with you sweets - if a friendship is for real then you do not have to be constantly in touch - friends are there for each other no matter what - whether they saw/spoke to each other 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago!
It sounds like this lady is very insecure and needs constant reassurance that she is important and whilst I realise that she is being very pushy and unrealistic I worry about her as she will no doubt be the very same with all the people she befriends!
I think everyone has insecurities over some things in life and this person obviously rather than attracting people in her life as she so desparately wnats friendship is in fact repelling them away from her. A shame, I tried too but was repaid with nastiness and was told to go spend time with my precious son as I no longer had time for her etc.
I still have my first friend from school as a friend 40 years later and sometimes it can be a year in between conversations over the phone with just the excahnge of cards and letters and at other times we can chat most days. It really all depends on how busy our lives are at the time. She has a smallholding and nursery so Christmas, Mothers Day, Easter etc when flowers are in high demand forget calling but I understand that. I had a friend down over the weekend and I will be seeing her again this weekend and later the month but only because we have been invited to the same events, usually I would see her maybe twice a year and now suddenly 3 times in a month, crazy eh!. A true friend is just there and has no expectations, I believe it all goes wrong when people expect from people and because they expect they end up feeling let down. True friendship I believe is ACCEPTANCE of each other quirks and all. Interesting subject. Ellie :D
P1ke, I think she is being unreasonable and too demanding. I think you are great just the way you are. I am still reading, but love the stories as I knew I would. You have a wonderful writing style and a kind, heartfelt temperament.
Just trying to figure out how to do this, forgive me. AnnieOakley1
Gosh P1ke, I've subscribed to your feed but I'm not getting alerts! I missed this one.
People have all kinds of 'odd' ideas borne of their own particular experiences. But friendship to my mind does not require daily contact - my heavens I'd never have time for me and mine if I had to keep up with the goings on in the life of everyone I know. I'd go mad!
Friends, despite time and place, are there and able to pick up where you left off so to speak, no matter how much time has passed.
Needy people don't see this and that is indeed sad - but terribly wearing for those they try to fill their need with. Those of you who do understand the nature of friendship, know that you do too. So no worries over your abilities as a friend my dear. None at all!
To everyone above. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I don't feel like I have been a poor friend to this person. But I have never had a friendship "terminated" in this way. I suppose that is one of the things about computer based relationships, if you don't want to do it anymore you can just say"no thanks" and delete that person from your address book. Sadly, this woman has nothing else. Her friends are simply a list of people in her E mail. I know that Ellie and one or two others have all come across her. The sad thing is that we have tried and she didn't see our efforts as enough. As we have all said. Being a friend doesn't require us to live and breathe each others every move. Years can go by but the friendship remains intact. Just knowing that you are there is plenty good enough for me.
XX
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