Facebook

I am on Facebook.  Have been for a while.  I didn't want to be, but my sister, Lis, not to be confused with my wife Liz; we are a close family but not that close!  Anyway Lis went on a hotshot holiday to South Africa with her husband and wanted to show off not just her tan, but her holiday snaps as well.  Years ago we had slides.  Little pieces of negative images packed into plastic cases that you lost down couches etc.  We'd get back from wherever, invite all Mum and Dad's friends round, eat cheesy things on sticks and drink cheap wine, cider for me if I was lucky, switch on the slide projector and sit through hour after interminable hour of: "Here's the hotel".  "Here's the coach before we left on the trip to the glass blowing place where p1kef1sh was sick after drinking too much Coke". "Look there is Dad having a pee!"  Hah blooming Ha.   You know the score.

Anyway, Facebook.  I opened my account and soon became entranced by its spell.  I uploaded my Profile picture.  Added an album and started to have friends join in the spectacle.  Soon I started to receive gifts from people.  I have karma, muppets, film and music quizzes - all of which is wonderful I am sure.  What I really want though is to see what it is that somebody has sent me.  For example, my sister sent me something green today.  No, not  a photo of her on that sail boat on a very choppy sea, but something that by the simple act of sending it will save the planet from all its environmental ills.  Fantastic.  I want one of those.  I shall be Chair of Greenpeace tomorrow!  But can I actually see this wonder?  Can I heck.  First I have to download an application.  What?  I have to apply for this thing.  Will it be considered by an earnest group of conservationists.  Are my sandals open toed enough.  My clothes sufficiently homespun? Oh.  Not that sort of application.  This one will enable it. Enable it to do what? To enable it to allow you to send the green thing to all your friends too.  But I don't want to do that.  Why should my friends be lumbered with this thing too.  Can't I try before I buy?  

At this point my friend Karen in Canada came to help me.  Karen is another of my loves.  She has always been there when I am in trouble.  We first met when she was looking for the male G spot.  Not on me I hasten to add.  I am not averse to Canadian ladies, especially ones as attractive as Karen, seeking my G spot.  But there are limits to a computer relationship.   Karen is bright as well as beautiful and she kindly offered to help me sort the problem out. Unfortunately I am terminally stupid.  My ability to navigate something like Facebook, which my neighbour's dog can manage is beyond me.  Apparently I am one of a very large group of people that are stymied by Facebook applications.  There are help groups, probably employing counsellors and therapists available to help me regain my confidence after a particularly nasty attack of Facebook applications.  But for all that, there is no known cure.  We have to live with it.  The upshot of this is that I still haven't seen what it is that Lis has sent me.  I have just had an IM conversation with her.  I explained my problem and after several abortive attempts to solve her brother's stupidity she signed off with a cheery "That's life boy".  I thought that was a soap.

Karen had previously sent me a Facebook Anthem.  It is worth looking at if you suffer the Facebook malaise too.  

Here it is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=boPhG9dtGfo