Have you ever watched small children squabbling with each other. Usually a deliberate act starts the fight. A toy is snatched or a crayon stolen. The response is invariably swift and just as spiteful. I have just dropped into myLot - I cannot keep away - and it's going on there right now. The children all look grown up. They have families, houses, jobs, in all respects they are utterly respectable; but they love to squabble. "That's my opinion and you are a big fat fink for thinking differently" "Ha. At least my opinion doesn't depend on something that you can't see or prove" and so on. Why do we love to be right all the time? Why must I lash out the minute that I read something that challenges my belief or mindset. Am I so convinced in views that I am unable to accept a differing opinion might at least be worth looking at. It is said that you can ask for advice but you don't have to take it. What's different here. I ask a question, someone gives me their thoughts, I weigh it up, I accept or reject. But, if I reject I have a choice. I can reply, and if I do so, I must say that I am of a differing opinion, but let it not lead to a fight. I must state my case and encourage thoughtful and careful discussion. Alternatively of course, I can choose to ignore the reply,or post a simple "Thank you".
What actually happens though is that the red mist descends. I feel threatened and must retaliate. I lash out, often missing the principal focus of the reply and give my own, unexpurgated opinion of not only the reply, but the belief behind it. Religion is a common one. Sexuality another. I, it would appear, am also the cause for altercation. I have already said that I am catching my breath, but that is clearly not how some see it.
So we can squabble about anything and anybody; and probably will. Fighting and competition is a human condition and we do it in a minor or major way daily. None of us is immune. But it would be nice (when I was at primary school my teacher banned that word - nice. "Find another adjective" she'd say. How right she was) if we all gave just a little more thought to our responses to things. We don't have to agree, but we don't have to be nasty in our disagreement either.
Coffee time I think.
8 comments:
Don't forget to make me a coffee too! lol You know I had to chuckle when I read the bit about young children squabbling - I used to work with children and I have 2 of my own it is so accurate and it is like what is happening on mylot! One of the things I most take advantage of on mylot is the space to be able to think a discussion/response through and although it may be totally against what I believe or be quite aggresive I have the chance not to jump to the offensive but to try and see things from the other persons perspective and point out that while they are of course entitled to their opinion I have a different one to which I am also perfectly entitled! It is amazing but I have met a few good friends who I have met on quite controversial discussions which we were pole apart on but instead of fighting we each explained our beliefs and why we felt the way we did - isn't it great what a bit of respect and tolerance can do - I only wish it were so easy in the 'real' world where we do not have that luxury of space to rein in our first spark of anger or hurt pride before we respond!
You my darling are not the cause of these 'altercations' but the fact that you have stood firm by your principles and stepped away for the moment instead of making some people think rationally just makes them jump to conclusions that are way off the mark and they do not take the time to think things through - that is their problem not yours!
Love as always xxxx
Your imagry is great I invisioned my 9,8,6,5,abd 4 yr old all fightin gover the last cookie that I ultimately had to give to the dog so noone felt one was loved more. LOL!!! I know it's human nature to squabble at times and I know that we like to defend our beliefs without a shadow of a doubt. But I have found that Mylot seems to thrive on fights and inner struggles I honestly try and stay out of it but sometimes you are sucked in to defend yourself or your friends or just plain out your beliefs.
When I go into a discussion that I either feel the same way about or don't feel the same way about I try to bring examples from life or I try and get facts that I can give links to .. I also try and do it in a nuetral way as not to step on anyones toes. LOL!! But more often than not we are going to step on someones toes at one point or another.
I do how ever try and weigh both sides and see the other persons stance. I have meet some great people who have such intelligent minds and who I might not always see things there way are great people and I can always value their judgement.
I try and be a very tolerant person of others becuase in the mylot community we come from everywhere all over the world with different cultures and ethics and I keep that in mind when I'm answering a discussion. But my dear you are not the cuase of Altercations. No one person is .. There are only people who will use your abscence to jump to their random idoitic thought. When you were the bigger party said your peace and left.
Though I was absent at the time and did not see what went on I have been told by some. I know your character and will say this you are a wonderful person who is strong and ethical you are not in any way a cause of altercation. Take care my dear and I will talk at you laters.
It's the curse of instant access P1ke. The means of reacting are right at our fingertips. We don't have to 'wait' until someone is finished 'talking' to respond. We don't have any distraction from instantly replying. We don't give ourselves, often enough, that moment of taking a deep breath, or taking time to think before we 'speak'. We just let our fingers fly and before we know it, we have posted words, that in real life might never come out of our mouth. It's as if the net has taken out of the equation, the time between thinking something and speaking it, as quickly as it is thought. We type while the words are passing through our brain, but not really thinking, if you know what I mean. It's the curse of instant access and expression. A modern miracle of social intercourse that could very well be the final nail in the coffin of social graces.
rotflmao, I can not believe you have used the same word I have tonight..squabbling, I used this word on mylot. I honesty had not read your blog till now...must be Karma
Thank you all. Squabbling is human, but as Fifty says, in this time of instant access, it is so easy to fire back something that simply turns the heat up. We may regret it later but by then the damage is done. A pause for breath is so easy to do, but I know that I at least, so often do it afterwards, when I should have done it first. Mummymo hits the nail bang on when she says we can discuss our beliefs, but in a climate of respect and tolerance. May that attitude prevail on the Lot.
Actually, my first reaction to the post that noted you, was that she was using your name to get more notoriety for her subject.
Then, when questioned, she swore it wasn't about you.
I have tried to view that post as the act of a friend, which Momma is to me. The advantage to linking my name with her discussion is that she got many more people thinking about behaviours than if I had stayed and just posted something about my disappointment. I have enjoyed reading the comments even though they have been a tad uncomfortable at times and some have missed the point entirely.
I have not run away at all. But my absence is a protest. My friends have supported me in this, which is typical of their generosity towards me. That's partly why I love you all as I do.
The fact that she said that it wasn't about me makes me wonder why my name was mentioned and whether the discussion would have see the light of day if I hadn't done what I did. I prefer to think that of the whole thing as a useful way of getting us to think about the tenor of what we post.
Sorry Annie if that sounds like a lecture which is truly isn't meant to be. XX
Nope,not at all.
I also enjoyed her point as I have been trying to use the teachings. I get what she meant. She was just able to reach more people with your name because you are so special to so many. You are missed and I think that was part of it, too.
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