So What Now

I have been struggling with myLot recently and neglecting my blog.  Let's start with the blog.  I set this up initially as an alternative place to go when I staged my protest about the treatment of Katherine.  I quite enjoyed writing here, I was able to say what I really felt about people. Good things I think in the main.  However, once I went back to myLot I "forgot" to come back here and keep up with things.

I quite like the idea that I have someplace to record my daily thoughts and the fact that they might be public means that I have to think just that little bit harder.  I don't set out to offend here, but I am not afraid to say what I think either.  I'll just try not to slander anyone!  In fact, as no one comes here anymore, it is highly likely that I can get away with saying pretty much anything.  But I shall behave myself.

My story about the Our Lot Pub is coming on, although more slowly than I would like.  I know that it is not going to win any prizes but it is meant to be an affectionate look at some of those people that have been friendly towards me over the months that I have been on myLot.  If anyone objected to the story line or their role within it; I would stop immediately.  As it is, only two people have read it, and only one of those is in it so far and she hasn't objected.  Let's hope that it stays that way.

I have not written anything else that I want to put up on "the Darker Side of P1ke".  Well, I have, but they are not stories that I feel happy about just anyone seeing.  I don't believe that I have any talent when it comes to writing, but I bless those people that say otherwise, but I do enjoy it when I have the time and inclination.  I bought a writing magazine yesterday.  If I wasn't depressed about my writing before I am now.  There are so many wannabes out there. An agent wrote in an article about how to get an agent to consider your work, that he would rather take a young female Oxford graduate than a middle aged man.  Assuming that he is typical of the norm of agents then what chance does this middle aged man from Oxford (originally) have.  I'd better stick to blogging.  At least I don't have to impress here.

So what's my issue with myLot?  I'm bored with it really.  There is no cut and thrust like there used to be.  Most of the "old" guard have either reduced their postings to a trickle or have left entirely.  The new people coming up are all suitably enthusiastic and that's heartening.  I think that after a couple of months you do get like that and enthuse wildly about the place.  But I have also noticed familiar themes in the new discussions being posted.  I am starting to answer new discussions that I've answered or posted before. There is very little originality even from people that think that they are original.  I have tried posting discussions myself, but frankly, I'm bored with them almost as soon as I've hit the submit button.  It's just not fun right now.  If this were a discussion I'd be getting lots of "take a break.  I've been there too. Maybe they're all on holiday".  Funny how no one ever says "Piss off then and go and irritate someone else".  Of course if they did I'd be very offended.  But they'd be right.

Then there's my friends.  I love them all as much now as ever before.  I have some new ones, but they are not the same.  Younger, more self obsessed.  But then nobody is more self obsessed than me!  I am not as good a friend as I could or should be.  One of my friends got into some difficulty and all that I did was sympathise.  We don't seem to communicate now.  I deserve it probably.  I wasn't there when I was needed.  Just bunged out a few platitudinous words.  No practical help at all.  But that's a warning to me.  When the chips are down just how effective am I going to be?  I know that I don't have to do anything, but something inside tells me that I ought to.  Someone else sent me an E mail today saying that she thought that she'd never hear from me again.  That wasn't my perspective as I know that I had sent her E mails, but the fact that she had to say it tells me that I'm not a good friend at all.  So what to do?  Write to them all and say "P1ke's a fink drop him from your mailing list".  Perhaps.  Maybe I should just keep contact with the few that I always have done.  That's about three that still contribute actively to myLot and another three or four that I talk to offline.  If I am expected to do all the running then that's not a friendship, more an imposition by me on them.  I am not a nice person really, too selfish, and I think that people are starting to realise that fact.

I have however received a card from one of my new friends.  She sent it to my wife and I which was a lovely thing for her to do.  There are some very pleasant people out there.

That's enough gloom and doom for now.  Tomorrow or Wednesday I shall write about my first afternoon as a Cathedral Guide.  I'm quite nervous about it.